This post first appeared in slightly different form at my blog Lucacept, with the title “Connected, and Conflicted.”
Recently I went to a free screening of Connected, An Autoblogography about Love, Death & Technology. The film’s creator is Tiffany Shlaine, and she is someone well versed in the workings of the web. Tiffany founded the Webby awards fifteen years ago, but today concentrates her efforts on film-making. Interestingly, for me anyway, her film echoed a lot of my thinking about the nature of being connected.
I’ve mentioned, more than a few times, the transformational effect being connected has had on my life. There is little doubt in my mind that I am richer for it, in a soulful sense, certainly not monetary! I feel energised when I’m learning new things from all the network nodes I’m connected to. I know how easy it is to lose yourself in the Twitter stream, but also how enriched you can feel when your brain is firing and possibilities are stretching out before you.
What comes with this is the desire to stay on top of things, to be ahead of change. You quickly realise this is impossible, that you would need to be looking at a device 24/7 and even then you wouldn’t have a hope of covering everything that is happening.
Tiffany begins the film with an anecdote, featured at the beginning of this trailer. She describes the revelatory moment when she wondered: What have I become?
Hey, I’ve been there. Some would stay I’ve never left that state. But I know better. In my early days of immersion, I’d sit among friends in conversation and find my mind wandering. The desire to switch on my phone and check my networks was intense, almost like a primal need. I found myself connected to the network, and disconnected from long term friends, even family. It seemed that they didn’t understand, they weren’t part of what was in my immediate field of interest. None of them grasped the magnitude of my new discovery.
In that state, I longed for opportunities to find real time face to face meet ups with the people in my network, and I thought I would find myself content in their presence. While that was true with some people, what I also discovered was that many of the people I met were distant, introspective, or even people who just weren’t all that friendly face to face. What is obvious to me now but wasn’t then is that my network mirrored real life. It is a human network, populated with all variants of the human condition.
This year, I have been conflicted. I made a conscious decision to back off with my immersion. I still truly value my network, and continue to find it the place where I am energised and excited about possibilities. But what I have found is that I have reconnected with those in my immediate sphere, my close friends and family. I value the time I spend with them, and remain present for longer periods than I did in the past. The sky hasn’t fallen, my connection with an already established network is still strong, and I feel more at peace with my world. (A world that recently extended to Italy, where I traveled with some of my students!)
Like Tiffany’s tale, it was a watershed moment that led to me resetting priorities. When you face adversity, true friends and connections come to the fore, and some leave you hanging. I am so grateful to my immediate close friends and family who rallied and made sure my family and I were OK. The same can be said of true friends in my network, people who have taken time to look beneath the surface and see what lies there.
Although I can say I am more at peace with myself, I remain conflicted to some degree about backing off the network. I haven’t put my hand up this year to present at conferences, and I have to admit to feeling a degree of performance anxiety when I see others pushing themselves out there. It is my dream to live this work, to find a way to do it all the time, not just part of my time.
So, I will remain connected, and to some extent, conflicted. But I will do so knowing that it is not at the expense of the relationships that matter most.
Jenny Luca
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Jenny, I wrote about the exact same thoughts on my blog just the other day. When is it just too much technology? It is a fine balance between being present in the moment in our face-to-face relationships and working, learning and laughing with our online friends. I’m still working on figuring out that balance, and it’s nice to know that I’m not alone with my wonderings about being too connected.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with all of us.
It’s a fine balance indeed Becky, and one that I think will be discussed ever more frequently as we see more of our lives move into digital spaces. My balancing act continues, as does yours, and no doubt plenty of others are trying to negotiate what works best for them. I think there are some indicators telling me that I am getting better at striking the right balance. The fact that I didn’t check the site stats on my blog for a few days in a row was one of them. Miraculous indeed!
I think we’ve all been there… Becky, I remember commenting on that post! I’m still there, I’m afraid – Spending WAY too much time at the computer. Twitter, Google+, my Google Reader, and now even Pinterest provide great ideas and resources. I just spent today at EdCamp IS-VA. It was wonderful, but I missed some things happening at home… The only thing I can think to do is to enforce a time limit!
I still look at folks who seem to always be on Twitter when I am, and are always doing, presenting, sharing… I can’t keep up – and I think it’s wrong to try. Everyone has to engage at the level that works best for them. Jenny, it sounds like you are getting there, and I respect you for working at it – Thanks for sharing!
Hi Patti,
Your recount rings true for me. That was what I was like. Always on, always looking for an opportunity to push my ideas out there. Like I said above, pulling back has made me feel more at peace, and that is so important. If I’m offline for a few days I don’t stress- the network doesn’t disappear, and if something big happens, it’ll still be there when I return. It takes time to discover what works best for you. Good luck with it Patti.
Jenny : )
Jenny,
I had my moment this summer. I woke up and said, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” Well, I do. And I haven’t given up. But I have decided to participate in places that I can jump in and out of. My next move is to open a writing studio, a face to face writing studio, but that doesn’t mean I won’t share and continue to learn from folks online. Just not all the time. And with breaks and gaps, for sure. My networking has created wonderful connections (and continues to), but, like you, I needed to find balance. Perhaps it’s something we all have to deal with eventually.
Well expressed, Jenny. You know I feel the same. I was just reading Susan’s comment and it occurred to me that we are excited by the connections and networks we’ve built to support what we want to do. Once we have the networks supporting and feeding us, we feel unsatisfied because we want to do something meaningful, something solid, like Susan’s writing studio. Do you feel the same?
@Susan @Tania I find it really interesting that we are all feeling something similar about our connected lives. It’s especially interesting that we have all been involved over a similar timeframe. Perhaps there’s something in that. As we evolve we look for something more than just the connections. Like Tania suggests, we are looking for a way to make this mean something. Initially, it was about my learning; now it’s about the transfer to other teachers and the students I teach. I’m tackling the hard stuff now, and that’s challenging.
Brilliant post, Jenny – courageous, too.
I have been / am going through essentially the very same thing. My version of your post:
http://www.ncs-tech.org/?p=6616
The popular phrase ‘think globally, act locally’ comes to mind. Perhaps it could be rewritten ‘network globally, build locally.’ That’s what I’m doing, building relationships with local colleagues and investing more time in student-centered endeavors.
It’s working for me!
Best, kj
Hi Kevin,
I read your post, and felt like I was reading my life in your words. Here’s what I’ve been busy doing this year at my school. http://jennylu.wordpress.com/2011/12/15/networkedschoolcommunity/
Similar journey, huh?
Jenny. : )
Jenny, thank you for the kind words. I’m flattered by the comparison. You are LIGHT YEARS ahead of us. We’re still on the launching pad, counting down. Keep up the great work!